Recently my life flashed before my eyes in a taxi. The moment became a masterclass in overcoming stress, and reminded me of the importance of surrender. Research suggests that surrender facilitates personal power. In cancer patients, surrender creates more peace. In recovering addicts, surrender bolsters autonomy. Surrender is even shown to help people bounce back from tragedy and find purpose in their lives.
But what is surrender? I was given the lesson in India, where I spent the last month. To understand the streets of India, imagine a sea of fish swimming every which way, no rhyme or rules. Easy to picture. Scary as hell. As I sat in my taxi swerving around oncoming traffic, taut as a rock with tension, I decided there was no point in carrying all this tension. In fact, if we were to get into an accident, I’d probably be better off relaxed as my body slammed around the cab (FYI – no seat belts either).
How to relax? I needed to trust. I needed to trust that this taxi driver was still alive after years of driving, and he’d keep me alive too. So I surrendered my need to control his driving. Surrendering my need to watch the oncoming truck get closer and warn him that we were about to die. Look, he dodged the truck all by himself. He missed the pedestrian by a few inches. He could do this, I didn’t need to micromanage.
I relaxed.
Surrendering control meant surrendering into the choice I made to ride the taxi. Sometimes we make a choice that takes us on a particular path, but then we get scared and try to control every step along the path rather than let the flow of the choice guide us. In business we embrace a new strategy, hire a new contractor, pursue a new product. But rather than trust the decision we made and allow the results to arise naturally, we obsessively monitor each step, second-guessing ourselves and creating stress.
After I arrived (safely) at my new hotel, the room wasn’t as nice as my previous hotel. The sheets weren’t as clean, the bathroom was questionable. I became irritated again. But after the taxi ride, I was on to something. Now that I surrendered control, I decided I could surrender expectations. And I was suddenly filled with gratitude. Gratitude for having a relatively quiet air-conditioned space. It could be so much worse, noting the countless shady hotels dotting the area. “Perfect” is irrelevant when your basic (or perhaps slightly bourgeois) needs are met.
Amritsar, the city I was in, has one of the most holy places in India called The Golden Temple. Alongside the temple is the largest community kitchen in the world, where anyone can stop by for a free meal. Many people recommended I go. So I decided, despite being relatively well-off, to partake in the offerings. Sitting on the hard floor surrounded by a mix of people, many of them extremely poor, we ate food together.
Receiving free food and feeling the warmth of a full belly, where economics no longer created differentiation, I spontaneously surrendered my ego. When we’re all in the same boat having the same human experience, it becomes so obvious that each of us is no one special. I was no one special. And recognizing this truth, I experienced a deep connection to the people around me. That moment became the most precious moment of my entire journey.
I surrendered control, expectations, and ego. Or said another way, I experienced peace, gratitude, and connection. This was the lesson I carried home with me from India. We can’t escape stress by trying to solve it with the mindset that created it – the mindset that tells us to control more, compare ourselves to others, and feel special because we work obsessively hard or have privilege in society.
Trust your decisions and relax into them. Let go of expectations that things should be different. Recognize that we are all in this brief human experience together, that we’re no one special. Then you will find purpose and fulfillment in your life.