A modern spiritual sage in Rishikesh, India, was asked if she could only follow one spiritual practice, what would it be? Meditation, prayer, ritual? She answered gratitude.
As we move into the week of Thanksgiving, gratitude will be at the forefront of everyone’s minds. Gratitude is the oldest and most well-worn advice for finding happiness.
But not all of us feel grateful. The universe may be testing us right now. We may be caught up in stress, cynicism, and self-doubt.
The access point to gratitude is self-esteem. I know it’s not the norm to talk science when discussing fuzzy feelings, but let’s take a moment even so.
Research suggests that those with higher self-esteem feel more gratitude than those with lower self-esteem. We feel gratitude when we perceive acts of kindness toward us as coming from care.
To quote research out of The Journal of Social Psychology, “how grateful individuals feel for an action is, in part, predicted by … how thoughtful and concerned the benefactor is perceived to be toward them.”
When our self-esteem is low, we do not value ourselves, and so we cannot see that others do. We perceive the behaviors of others as arising from ulterior motives, such as trying to get something from us.
This includes our relationship with God. If we do not value ourselves, we will mistakenly believe the Universe does not love us either. Even if all the love and care of the world is poured onto us, when we do not value ourselves, we cannot see it.
So how do we enhance our self-esteem?
There’s a fascinating angle of science I want to share with you. In my new book, I highlight research that suggests personal power is a main gateway to self-esteem. Self-affirmations fall on deaf ears when we feel powerless.
A beautiful study showed that when we enhance our personal power, we enhance our self-esteem, and as a result we experience more gratitude.
How do we enhance our personal power this season? There are four paths to empowerment – self-responsibility, internal connection, action, and perspective.
Self-responsibility means we take responsibility for ourselves. If we’re overworked, that means taking responsibility for our stress. Instead of blaming our feelings on our work, think of ways we can own our experience, and then practice mental and emotional self-care.
Internal connection means we plug back into ourselves. Stress and self-doubt often compel us to avoid feeling our feelings. Instead, find ways to get back into your body through exercise or yoga. Whatever your method, plug in physically.
Action means initiating self-care routines through exercise, dieting, or curling up on the couch for a few hours and listening to good music. Not as an escape, but as a demonstration of your commitment to your health. The motive matters.
Perspective means stepping back and remembering your values. Reflect on what’s important to you in this lifetime. Doing so not only plugs you back into your power, it makes gratitude much easier to see.
Personal power further enhances your connection to a Higher Power. Research suggests that powerless people view their Higher Power as more judgmental and punitive, whereas powerful people view their Higher Power as more benevolent.
I invite you this holiday season to tap into your personal power through self-care. And when you do, gratitude will arise much more naturally.